*cross fingers & shaking*

Another Amazing Birthday in Beijing

This year I was very lucky because my birthday fell on a Friday so I pretty much owned the whole weekend and it was Legen -waitforit- Dary.

Wednesday night (although not technically the weekend at all), I had a memorable evening with one of my friends. To give you a hint:

What do Lassie, Old Yeller, and Scooby Doo all have in common? Starts with a “d”…
Delicious! going down my stomach :-p

Yes, being here in China for over two years, it was meant to happen. I had dog, at a North Korean restaurant no less. I think I was As UnAmerican as I could have possibly been that night. The only thing missing was a Communist flag for a cape and a KTV performance of the Soviet National anthem. We’ll get ‘em next time!

Truth be told, the meat was actually quite tender. After telling my dad what I had for dinner, he pretty much advised me to keep it on the dl. But I’m bad at keeping secrets and also I think it makes me hardcore. In a weird way. So yeah.

Anyway…Friday I spent cooking borscht, and then I went to Alameda with Samantha for dinner. Fancy place, pretty good food, but to be honest, I really could have gone for a Tracy-made Bahn Mi Sandwich. That shit was Good!

Saturday involved more cooking, and in the evening there was a CFA recognition ceremony for those of us who passed the Level III exam this summer. Was nice I guess. Pretty simple. The speakers, although clearly trying to be motivational, fell quite short of their mark thanks to their monotone delivery and the Chinese translator who had to interrupt after every sentence. Anyway, I got a shinny (literally shinny) piece of paper with my name on it. I guess that makes it worth it :-p

Now for Sunday - the main event! Final grocery shopping in the morning, more cooking, cake delivery from 21Cake, and party time!

I won’t say too much, I’ll let the photos speak for themselves. But suffice it to say that it was wonderful. I know I get lonely sometimes being so far away from home, but the friends I have here really are like a family to me. They’re all so warm and caring, I felt quite lucky to have them around me.

And passes another year, and now I’m 24. I don’t feel much different, although this year has had a lot of meaningful events for me. It’s my Year afterall (rabbit), and it’s been a great one.

Thank you to everyone for being a part of my life. And now, onto a new year…

—-

*crossfingers&shaking*

Weekends in Beijing

The Beijing air was hanging particularly heavy and thick today, as the dust and pollution of the city mixed densely with the clouds. Visibility and air quality was reduced significantly, so much so that essentially all air traffic into and out of the city was canceled.

I think it’s safe to say, that in this day and age of chemicals, radiation, and manufacturing, it’s likely that we’ll all die from cancer one way or another. But in regards to China’s poor excuse for oxygen, I quote the Matrix and say, “Not like this, not like this!”

:D

On a happier note, I had a great weekend! Saturday I woke up early to get half-priced tickets to see a Chinese movie with my friend. 失恋33天 - a story of a young girl getting over her first love. Although being one, completely unnecessary scene too long, it had some really interesting points on love.

1. The girl, being too selfishly absorbed in her own self-pity, has no idea why her boyfriend left her. Shamelessly, she drunk-dials him and gets him to come pick her up from the bar she’s passed out in. Being cold and unfeeling towards him, he eventually breaks down and pleads with her to realize that all she’s ever done is treated him like a pet, forced him to beg for her attention, stripping him of his dignity, leaving him with no pride as a man.

Interesting. The games that women play. Thinking we’re testing the love of our man, never once thinking that maybe, just maybe, in toying with his love, we strip him of the very nature of what means to be a man. In loving another person, doesn’t a man already sacrifice enough of himself in terms of his vulnerability, his dreams?

2. Later on, the girl asks a very wealthy, talented, bright, and handsome young man why he’s choosing to marry a complete ditz who is clearly only interested in the material lifestyle he can provide for her. His answer was something along the lines of…

“For girls like her, she sees things like LV and Prada as necessities, while love as a luxury. You, on the other hand, see LV and Prada as luxuries, but regard love as a necessity. Life is long, and love is complicated. How can I promise you love forever? I will undoubtedly disappoint you. But girls like her, will always be happy with a man like me.”

I like it. Although to be honest, while I don’t consider myself to be particularly materialistic or dumb, I don’t really see love as a necessity anymore, either. But then again, I’m thinking of myself as a girl. Perhaps in this scenario, I play the role of the man.

3. Although I really love this part in the movie, it’s actually quite brutal to watch and serves no real purpose except to show how cruel women can be.

A woman tells her story of how she was giving birth to her son, and while at the hospital, the nurse mentions that her husband has also been visiting with another woman in another ward who came for an appendectomy, and asks if it’s another friend of the wife’s. Instantly realizing that this second woman is her husband’s mistress, she goes to see the other woman. She says…

“Hi, my name is Y, Mr. X’s wife. He told me all about your surgery, and I just wanted to come and say I hope you’re feeling well. I know it must be hard for you as a woman, being here at the hospital alone, with no husband, and no one to look after you. I think it’s quite the coincidence that we’re both here at the hospital at the same time. Only while you’re here to dispel of something unwanted from your body, I’m here to give life to our new baby boy, who will grow up big and healthy, loved by both of his parents in our family.

“I feel lucky that I have given birth to a boy, he will get big and strong, and I won’t have to worry about him. Having a daughter, on the other hand, we would have to worry over her, to make sure she takes care of herself and finds a good man, and doesn’t get into any bad habits.

“Alright then, I’m feeling a bit tired, and I think you need your rest. Here, I’ve brought you some soup. My husband keeps making it for me every day and I’m quite tired of drinking it. I thought since you’re here by yourself, I’d share it with you. Do take care of yourself, and stop with your bad habits. There’s a reason why you got sick.”

Ouch. Big time.

Anyway, after the movie, we drove out west to 西山 and hiked a bit. It was a beautiful day actually, with blue skies and everything. CrAzy how quickly things change. When we finally got back into the city, we went for Vietnamese food and had some awesome pho. Then went for massages nearby. Totally productive day! If you measure productivity in levels of fun :D

Sunday was good, too. Korean BBQ with friends, lots of “The Walking Dead”, and cookies that were actually quite delectable, from Belgium, and bought at a two-for-one price! (Which is important to note here because later on when I went to the store to get groceries, I realized that I had essentially no cash left in my wallet)

Alright, until next time…

—-

*crossfingers&shaking*

Sunday Morning

Being not of any religious background, it might sound strange that I go to church every once in a while. And when I say that, I truly mean once in a Long while. But I went yesterday morning and I thought it was quite the coincidence with regards to the pastor’s chosen topic:

Sexual Impurity

…sins of the flesh/dirty thoughts/adultery/lust…
Most [maybe all] things I can personally find myself guilty of. So perhaps it was good chance that I was there that day to hear it.

I don’t think of myself as dirty or a slut, but in all fairness, I certainly can’t think of myself as pure either. I enjoy sex and I think sex is something meant to be enjoyed. And I think what I liked about the pastor’s words were that they didn’t serve to condemn sex, but rather pose the question, When, and with Whom, should we have sex? Not ‘should’ from some moral/ethical/religious point of view necessarily, but even just from the perspective of our own personal fulfillment.

One line that stuck with me in particular was:
“Man wants to be fully known and fully loved.”

I found it personally relevant because being here in Beijing, I’ve experienced the childish ferocity with which some Chinese guys “fall in love” with foreign girls. But how can you love someone if you barely understand what they’re saying? And what’s more, even if your language skills are strong enough for communication, what can an hour-long conversation tell you about someone that could make you so certain they’re the one for you? I don’t believe it. I rather you never tell me you love me than you tell me and not mean it. I rather believe with all my heart that the words you say are sincere than have to call bullshit on a cheap line that you say because you think it will win me over. If you don’t know me completely, you can never love me completely. That’s something I’ve always felt to be true.

Now all apologies for going off track, but in relation to sex, I think this applies. Yes, agreed, sex can be fun, liberating, exciting. There’s a hot guy sitting next to me and trust me, I’m not the strongest of people not to look him over. But as thrilling as a quick adventure may seem, I find those fleeting moments are quite worthless the next day. I can’t say that it applies for all people, but I view sex as an extension, or perhaps even the greatest expression of love between two people. No, I can’t say that all sex in my life will necessarily be purely out of love, but I think the times that they are will truly be the most meaningful, most passionate, and most fulfilling experiences.

And perhaps I’ll only find that after marriage. Perhaps there’s a greater reason than just physical protection that man evolved into a monogamous society. Or maybe I’m just a woman so who gives a fuck what I think :-p

The hardest part for me is that not being of any religious background, or even the fact that I’ve already had sex, makes it hard for people to believe me or accept me when I say that I don’t want to have sex anymore. Church-goers can be born again, washed clean of their sins and start life fresh, and anew. But I can’t because I don’t believe in God so I’m already a sinner and who gives a shit after that. And to be fair, this is never anything I’ve heard from any faithful people. I’ve heard it from men. Men who want and have had sex and I suppose can’t respect a woman enough to stop having it. But then again in all fairness, who am I, as a partner in a committed relationship, to suddenly decide for the both of us that I no longer want to have sex? Am I not just as simply acting disrespectfully to my significant other? In a marriage, if the wife says she no longer wishes to have sex, that’s clearly seen as a problem. A problem, I’m sure, which stems from greater inter-marital issues, but a problem nonetheless.

I don’t really have a point, to be honest I’m just thinking out loud, or online I should say (corny joke alert), but I guess I just found that there was something to the sermon that day. To say that, from this day forward I choose to no longer have sex before marriage is a true test of personal strength. I’m not very well disciplined, I’m too soft, too eager to try something new, and too quick to quite when something better presents itself. So maybe when people tell us to wait to have sex, it’s not because sex is something bad or dirty, but rather because it’s something quite beautiful that we shouldn’t squander away, that we should save it until we’re mentally ready to experience it, when we can receive love fully and fully love another. Whether it’s necessarily marriage or through some other form of commitment, I can’t really say. But a promise to love forever is something special.

And on a side note, as for women being more powerful, more liberated because they can have sex with more partners, more freely than before - sure. Why not? But I think real strength for a woman, real respect, is not having to use her sexuality all the time. To refuse sex rather than to be so open about it. Because I think these days, a woman that values her own body is harder to find than a woman who quickly gives it away. And having self-worth is what real respect and power are all about.

—-

*crossfingers&shaking*